i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
