I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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