This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
