we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
