It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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