got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
