THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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