Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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