am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
