when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
