She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
