dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
accomplished twins. life is a go
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
