so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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