we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
