There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
