My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
