Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
