It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
