His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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