i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
