life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
