my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
