I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
