My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize