Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize