Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize