Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
