do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
