You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
