Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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