8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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