you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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