Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
