UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
