i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
