Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
