If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Randomize
