Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
