I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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