I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
