i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
