ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Little spoons don't ask big questions
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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