I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Blow job season was short but glorious.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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