I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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