So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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