so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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