i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
