I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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