I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
