You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
