he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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