You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
God, I missed his penis.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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