i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
