I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I stole a fireplace last night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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