she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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