life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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