you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
