And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
