My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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