JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize