I can't watch pbs sober anymore
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
