i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
