sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
