Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I want a musical about memes.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
