I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
