Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
